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When Talking To Yourself Is Healthy

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How do you react to stress?

  • When you make a mistake and your spouse speaks to you about it, do you try to argue your way out?
  • Do you become threatening or tearful?
  • Do you stop talking and seethe? How you choose to respond to stressful situations says a lot about the way you handle stress. Learn to act, rather than react, against stress.

    IBS illustration by Melissa WarpTo decrease stress, try changing the way you respond to it. We all have strong emotions. Identifying and channeling our emotions is one of the best ways we have of coping with stress.

    Give yourself permission to have feelings, but learn how to take control of them through self-talk.

    Feeling Put-upon?

    Let's say you are a single parent with two young children, working 40 hours a week, studying for your master's degree part-time. You spend your spare hours shuttling the kids to soccer, ballet and piano lessons. Your weekends are spent rushing through household chores and homework.

    You are exhausted, petulant, feel taken advantage of and underappreciated. No one understands how hard you work.

    But remember, you chose to "have it all," and included in that is the mountain-load of stress that comes with it. You don't eat right, sleep enough, exercise or relax. You can't do a terrific job on any one thing, because you never have enough time to focus. Your body is releasing stress-response chemicals, day after day, increasing your irritability and frustration.

    So what can you do to make things better and reduce the stress? Talk to yourself with positive and encouraging words.

    Learn To Listen To Your Own Voice

    When you're alone in your car, or between appointments, or taking a shower, speak out loud. Pretend you're having a conversation with another person.

    Focus your mind around the situations that you have control over, then talk to yourself about the changes you can make. For example, consider paying the next-door neighbor, who's a stay-at-home mom, to transport your kids to their lessons, and use that extra time to take a catnap.

    Forget about always winning. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Tell yourself, out loud, it's okay to not be 100 perfect. Learn moderation in all things. 60-hour workweeks will not necessarily make you more productive. A master's degree doesn't insure success, especially if it increases your level of stress. Talk about it, but only to yourself. No one is as interested in you as you are.

    When a situation makes you angry, walk away from it. Don't engage yourself in battle. If you are already stressed, an argument will cause you to release a great surge of stress-response chemicals. Say out loud, repeat to yourself, "I'm going to give myself time to cool off." Deal with the situation later.

    Get out a piece of paper and write yourself a set of emotional goals. Then read the goals out loud. Speak them day after day. Hang the list on your refrigerator and office workspace. Make them your mantra. Say things like, "When someone makes me angry, I will take ten long, slow deep breaths before saying anything."

    But Don't Verbally Abuse Yourself

    Avoid patterns of negative speaking, that include exaggeration, generalization and negative self-talk. For example, don't say, "That was the worst thing I could have ever done," or "I always screw up everything," or "How could I have been so stupid?"

    Replace the negative patterns with positives. Find a silver lining in everything you do. Try to take an upbeat approach, and talk yourself through it. Say out loud, "Look at what a beautiful job I did on that project," or "I sure did make a difference in that meeting. I'm so proud of myself."

    Someone once said that the key to success is attitude. One way to change your attitude is to talk convincingly about yourself.

    Do you have a positive attitude? Find out by taking this test from the Houston Business Journal.

    Related reading:

    --Jacqueline Tresl, RN, a coronary intensive care nurse and nursing supervisor for over 20 years, has written about health and happiness for magazines and newspapers for three years. Her first book, "Whoever Heard of a Horse In The House?" is scheduled for release in March.
    --First published Nov. 24, 1999.


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