Because when I take a look at my friends and associates, I notice one common characteristic: they don't demand enough. Women's expecations for their mates are slipping, and I'm not happy about it.

Before I go on about how the female race isn't asking for enough, I have to take an objective look at the women I know who represent this problem. Are they more desperate than others? Do they have any defects that make dating a non-option? Do they like to be mistreated? No, no and no.

So what's the problem? You got me, but there definitely is something bad going on.

My friend Val is seeing a man who is officially separated but conveniently wears his wedding band around people who don't know about the split. Val is bothered that a man who says he loves her doesn't date her when it's inconvenient. But she doesn't want to appear demanding.

By not being "demanding," she leaves herself upset about a guy to whom she is giving herself. She isn't getting what she wants in return, but he may not even know he's not supplying.

I've done the same thing myself; keeping quiet in an effort to be the "cool" girl who takes things in stride. When a guy I was seeing spent the evening with another woman, I acted as if I didn't care. Meanwhile, my stomach churned. When I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer, he responded, "But I thought you were cool with everything."

The only reason he thought I was at peace with the situation was because I pretended to be. If I had told him what I wanted from him, or what I didn't want him to be doing with other people, he may not have listened but he sure wouldn't have been able to say, "I wish you had told me" as tears ruined my cool exterior.

Now that I'm engaged I know I certainly haven't figured it all out; I still give a little on what I want. Jack and I have our share of personality clashes, but when it comes to the stuff that matters to me, he provides generously.

Now that I'm taken care of, I want to figure out how to take care of the bright women around me who are lowering the bar.

Take Liz. She is dating a guy who comes calling only late at night, then doesn't call for a few days. She doesn't want a major relationship, but she doesn't want a casual caller. Yet she doesn't tell him this because she doesn't want to come off as -- you guessed it -- demanding. Therefore, she is left to choose between something she doesn't want or nothing at all.

It would be easy for her not to answer those calls, but why can't she just speak up? It's not that he'd give her what she demands, because he's already getting what he wants. But if she doesn't tell him that herself, she's wasting her time frustrated over someone who will never give her what she wants anyway.

Maybe she knows what she wants, what most of us want: a partner who makes us feel special, pays attention, excites us, makes us laugh, listens.

But maybe it's what she does not want that overshadows all of that: loneliness.

Perhaps the problem with some people is that they care more about being with someone than being with someone who makes them happy. Maybe my idea of being dissatisfied is their idea of being happy enough.

More than that, maybe women are giving men excuses for showing disrespect. He calls late at night, but it's because he works late a lot. He isn't ready to announce the end of his marriage to everyone.

Certainly some of these men just aren't worthy of dating us, and shame on them for being cads. But I blame us for expecting less and understanding when we get it.

I've heard too many women celebrate the "good" guys who aren't jerks, when respectable guys who return calls and follow up after a date should be the norm, not the exception.

Most of all, I blame us for not telling men what we want. They certainly aren't mind readers, and they certainly aren't out to give us what we want, but we aren't going to ever get close if we don't demand it.

It's like Christmas. To get what you want, you have to tell someone. Otherwise, it's just a bunch of OK gifts that would look just as good under any other person's tree.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.