Dear DoubleTake,
I was with my boyfriend for seven months. In the beginning of the relationship I messed up and I started talking to another guy. The other guy and I did not do anything physical, but it put a halt on the relationship with my boyfriend.

Resolutions: New Year, New You

I asked for forgiveness and he forgave me. But he always brought up what I had done. Then he started to be mean to me, so I broke up with him.
He then turned around and asked for my forgiveness and said he would change.
I have a very demanding job at an office and I also have a life at home. As days went by, we grew further apart and he started to be mean again. He broke up with me one night and called me a very disrespectful name.
Now he is begging for my forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive him. He hurt me very badly. I love him to death, but I'm not in love with him anymore.
I just can't get him to realize that. He keeps texting me and calling me and trying to catch me on my lunch break, before I go to work, and after I get off work. He has really become a hassle to me. I just don't know what to do anymore.
What should I do, because he is not taking no as an answer?

BETTY SAYS:

Stop taking his calls and don't return his texts. Block his phone number on your cell. Lock down your preferences on your online profiles, if you have them, so that he can't catch up with you on Facebook or MySpace.

Enlist a work friend or office security guard to walk you to your car before and after work, and on your lunch break, so that you know you're safe from his advances. And if he tries to confront you while you're off work, calmly tell him that you're not interested in discussing the relationship anymore because it's over.

If he continues to hassle you, get a restraining order. It may sound extreme, but at least it will give you some security.

Many people can feel frenzied and psychotic at the news of a breakup. The important thing is to stay safe. Eventually, he'll find a new distraction and you'll be able to live your life again.

EDDIE SAYS:

Since this can turn into a very serious situation, think carefully about Betty's suggestions, and remember to contact a local violence prevention group to help you defuse the situation and stay safe.

As for the idea of getting back together -- print out this page and read it to yourself whenever you consider getting back together.

Don't think of what you lost when this relationship didn't work out (or when you found out what he is really like). Just realize it means you now have a chance to meet new people, try new things and eventually find something better than an on-again, off-again relationship.

And if that means talking to more than one guy at the same time, think about that as a good thing, as well. Until you have a reason to commit your heart to someone who has shown he deserves it, keep it to yourself for a while.

Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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