Kelley's Diagnosis
POSTED: 12:23 pm EST January 11,
2007
UPDATED: 11:40 am EST January 29,
2007
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- NewsCenter 5's Kelley Tuthill was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer just before Christmas and underwent successful cancer surgery on Jan. 22.Finding A LumpI'm 36 years old.I have no family history of breast cancer.I never even had a mammogram before, so when I tell you I was not expecting this diagnosis, believe me. I was not expecting this diagnosis. Until now, my husband and I have been focused on raising our daughters. Brendan and I have Madeline, 3, and 6-month-old Cecilia. Like a lot of people, we are doing our best to juggle our family and careers.After I finished nursing Cecilia, I felt a lump in my breast. My husband really urged me to go to my doctor to get it checked out. She examined me, and we both thought it was nothing. She thought perhaps it was a clogged duct, but sent me for further testing. And I'm so grateful for that.Two weeks later, I went into Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and had a mammogram and an ultrasound. Honestly, I didn't think it was any big deal.It was the Friday before Christmas, Dec. 22.I was so convinced this was going to be nothing, I brought Cecilia to the appointment with me. Fortunately, Brendan was there, too. That was a good thing, because it became apparent rather quickly that things were not going to be what I expected. I had the mammogram and went in for the ultrasound. While the doctor was examining me, you could feel the tension build in the room and everything got really serious. And you know now there's no way this is a clogged duct.There's no way this is not a big deal. You can just read it on the faces of the doctors above you.And I started to ask questions because I'm a reporter, and I really wanted to know what was going on. I felt very quickly that I was losing control of the situation. I started to pepper the doctor with questions. The radiologist told me right there on the spot this was cancer. She didn't say, "I suspect this is cancer," or "This looks serious, and we need to do more tests." She told me right there and then, "This is cancer."And I was not prepared for that.I was just sitting on the table feeling very vulnerable. I just wanted my husband to come back. I told them I needed a break for a second, and I "blackberried" him. He had gone to CVS to get cold medicine for the baby. I said, "You really need to get back here. I'm starting to get scared." We went into a room and they started to show me the pictures and show me what we now knew was an actual tumor. I don't even know what the doctor said. I have no idea what she said. She stopped me at cancer. Once she hit me with that, you don't even know what else they're telling you. I honestly felt like I was blindsided and knocked to the ground.Coping With The NewsOne of the really challenging parts of getting a diagnosis like this on the Friday before Christmas was my husband and I had to decide how we were going to handle telling our families. Our children are young, which is good, but we have our parents, our sisters and brothers, our friends. We made the decision we weren't going to tell anybody through the holiday weekend.Friday night there was so much crying. So much sadness. So much disbelief.We literally had to get up Saturday morning and go to a large family party with all our closest friends. We didn't tell anybody. It was a very lonely place to be. I have such a close family, and I really needed their support, but for my sake and their sake I felt I couldn't tell them then. There was no good time. We went through the weekend trying to put on a good face. My husband was amazing and strong. We were both so scared. Somehow we just got through it together.Everybody asks, "Did your Christmas really stink?" And I say, "No. Of course my Christmas didn't stink. I have two amazing children. And Christmas was still magical for them. They didn't know any different. So that made it magical for me." The diagnosis made me appreciate it all the more because I took it for granted before Friday that I would have my kids and see many Christmas days. Now all of a sudden, I was very scared about what could happen in the future.Telling My Family And FriendsOn the Tuesday after Christmas, we started to tell our family and friends we had been given this diagnosis.My initial shock was relived every time I told someone.Nobody was expecting this. So literally everybody had that same shock. Literally every time I told someone else, they were crying and I was trying to get stronger. It was comforting, however, to know how much people care. My parents, three sisters and my best friend immediately sprang into action to help in a variety of ways. Survivors started coming forward and contacting me to answer my questions. They helped to take the fright out of the situation by giving me straightforward information about what to expect. Their words and their encouragement made a huge difference in terms of my mental state.Tests, Tests And More TestsAlso on that Tuesday, I had to go back to Beth Israel for a biopsy of the breast and a breast MRI. They were trying to get more information about the tumor and confirm it was cancerous. On Thursday, we were called back to Beth Israel to meet with the surgeon and an oncologist. We really got the sense of how serious this was.I had not discovered a little pea-sized lump. This was a fairly large mass, more than three centimeters.We learned there was involvement in other parts of the same breast and a lymph node that looked suspicious on the ultrasound had also tested positive. This really wasn't what you'd call the best-case scenario. They still consider this Stage II, which I found reassuring because there are four stages. I liked the sound of two, but the grade is three out of three, which means it's an aggressive cancer. That sounds scary, but I'm told most young cancers tend to be aggressive.The Treatment PlanThere was no question there was going to be a mastectomy. There was no question I would need chemotherapy. They were talking 16 weeks of chemo, followed by six weeks of radiation.It was all too much to take. I'm embarrassed to say I kind of freaked out at that point. That visit on Dec. 28 really didn't go well. I was losing control of my life and wasn't going down gracefully. Honestly, the mastectomy didn't freak me out as much as 16 weeks of chemotherapy and six weeks of everyday radiation.It's literally not the first of the year yet. It was Dec. 28, and already I was looking at 2007 and knowing I couldn't make a single plan -- 2007 was already decided for me. Cancer was going to take over the whole year. You never think that's what you're going to be concerned about as you start a new year. You think I should lose weight this year. I should be a better mom. Better wife.You never think, "I hope I can survive 2007." That was not a resolution I was thinking about making. And now it's the only one.Death?Honestly, through this whole thing, so far, I don't think about death a lot. I guess because everything else was causing me so much anxiety. There was so much to think about in terms of the treatment they were recommending for me. I knew sitting around thinking about death was going to cause so much anxiety and no one was telling me to do that. I have a will. I have insurance. I knew those things were taken care of.I just didn't want to spend any time thinking about death. If they tell me I have to, I will.But for now, I just want think about what I have to do to live. For me, and I know for Brendan, surviving this is what matters.Brendan said right away he did not care if I had one breast. He just wanted me alive. We just want to beat this. We want me to be there for our children because really nothing else matters.The treatment sounds daunting because it's going to take me away from my children. It's going to make my children upset because they are going to want me to hold them and there may be times I can't do that.Cancer makes things very clear.My decisions are now based on what I need to do to get healthy. In three years this is the first thing that has ever taken priority over my children. We have two children. It's become clear to me that we will not have any other children on our own. I'm 36 and will need five years of Tamoxifen. I could chose to be very upset and fixated on that. I'm not. It just is what it is. It's one thing that's going to happen as a result of this.For other people I know that news would be devastating. I'm just trying to look at the bright side. There are worse cancers to have. Less treatable. And I'm just so glad this isn't my children, that the cancer involves me. I think I can bear it. I couldn't bear something happening to my children. I mentioned that to a co-worker. In the same breath she asked how my mom is dealing with this news. And I said I was surprised because she was so emotional about it. My mom is a rock. I've barely ever seen her cry. My co-worker said, "Don't you realize? You're her baby."Speaking OutI made the decision early on I would be very up front about this. I honestly didn't think I could hide given the treatment schedule that was laid out before me. I feel glad I made the decision to be upfront with my co-workers, family and the public. It has brought a lot of resources my way with people very willing to help me and get me to good doctors and good services that are available to us here in Boston. And I'm grateful for that.Every day I get e-mails from people with warm thoughts and cards. It means so much to me. I'm so grateful for that. I think for people out there who are afraid to share the news there are real benefits to getting out there and getting supportWorkMy plan right now is to work when I can, but obviously, I don't know exactly what to expect. The great thing is my bosses at Channel 5 have been amazing and told me to focus on my health and not worry about work. I really appreciate that. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.Second, Even Third OpinionsThe news was so stunning I literally almost didn't go for a second opinion. I just was in a bit of denial and felt so overwhelmed. I'm really glad I did. It turned out going around and talking to different doctors was very empowering for me. I feel better right now than I've felt in weeks.I'm looking forward to getting the treatment going and getting healthy again.
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Part 1: Diagnosis
