May 17: My Life Challenge: Breast Cancer
POSTED: 1:50 pm EDT May 17, 2007
UPDATED: 2:53 pm EDT May 17, 2007
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- I have always thought something bad was going to happen in my life eventually. Everything was just too good. I had a wonderful childhood with two amazing parents who could write the book on how to raise kids right. I have three great sisters, wonderful friends, a great job. I thought maybe I would never find a husband, but I landed a hunk. Then I thought maybe we wouldn’t be able to have children. We are blessed with two beautiful girls.On Dec. 22, I found out what my challenge in life would be. Breast cancer. So far, the battle has been manageable with the help of my loving family, friends and colleagues. But the road is long, difficult and full of the unexpected. Fear is something you try to banish from your brain, but it’s not always possible. My energy comes and goes. My moods swing wildly. Sleep is a constant challenge. Occasionally, I lose my sense of humor and have to have others help me find it. My kids excel at that job. My faith has not faltered. I believe strongly that God walks with me, and I am never alone. Hundreds of people have told me they are praying for me and I find that tremendously comforting.The scariest part so far was the diagnosis. It was truly the shock of my life. At 36, with no family history, I did not expect to hear that news. I wasn’t even old enough for a mammogram. My tumor was 4.5 centimeters with involvement in my lymph nodes because I did not have the opportunity to have an early diagnosis. A young woman with no family history can only rely on her own self-exams and those of a doctor. With two pregnancies and months of breast-feeding, this tumor was difficult to find.For women over 40, the mammogram can be an incredibly important tool for finding cancer early. Early diagnosis is the key to survival. It can also mean less invasive treatments. My treatment schedule includes a mastectomy, six months of chemo and radiation. Early diagnosis is essential and I urge all women to talk to their doctors to make sure you are doing everything possible to take care of yourself. Women tend to be the caregivers. We can’t take care of anyone if we don’t take care of ourselves!Speaking of women, there are so many amazing women who have reached out to me in my times of need. It is women who have made me the meals, knitted me the prayer shawls, accompanied me to chemo. What a powerful sisterhood we share. Of course, the sisterhood of survivors has been even more powerful. I have relied on survivors to give me the honest look at what I can expect. Their frank advice has taken so much of the fear out of treatment and the future.My husband says he can feel left out of the sisterhood and sometimes struggles to find his place. I can admit his place has often been bearing my pain, anger and frustration. It cannot be easy to be a breast cancer husband. I'm grateful to have his support on this journey. I think ultimately the disease will bring us closer together. But often the stress of this long treatment and caring for two young children puts a lot of pressure on our marriage.One of the reasons why I started this public journey was to educate people about what happens after diagnosis. I asked some of my "cancer buddies" for their thoughts about how others treated them. Here goes....Susan hated when people overreacted/cried/acted like she would be dead tomorrow. She found it frustrating that many people did not realize how many different types of cancer there are and that not all people are doomed. "There is hope and a lot of people don't realize that", she wrote. Susan loved the food and calls. As for whether to bring up the "C" word when you see Susan, she said, "Go ahead bring it up, but don't dwell on it. She loved it when people went out of their way to keep her kids happy during treatment. She loved having close friends and family come by when she was too sick to go out, but stuck home bored. Loved being taken out when she was well.Julie hated it when people referred to her as "sick." She wrote, "I am so not sick, just sick of chemo, sick of not having hair, sick of thinking about cancer!!!" She found it slightly annoying when people said, "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you." If you want to do something, just do it. If you don't, that's fine too. Julie doesn't keep score.She loves the Web site http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com. It organizes meals, rides to treatment and keeps friends updated. http://www.carepages.com also helps keeps the masses updated. It frees the patient from having to make/return a lot of calls or e-mails. When Julie was diagnosed, she felt overwhelmed by everyone suggesting "the best" doctor. She loves it that friends want to come to chemo with her. It makes it easier to forget what she's doing there and they usually have a few good laughs.After Danielle's diagnosis, she got really sick of hearing people talk about all the people they knew who survived. What she found most comforting was the people who frankly said, "that stinks" or "I would hate if that happened to me."Danielle said she loved when people brought meals. She was also very touched by those who helped out her husband and did nice things for him too. She said people kept wanting her to celebrate the end of treatment, but she felt ambivalent. She's nervous now that treatment is over and worries about recurrence.I feel very uncomfortable when people want to tell me a cancer story that involves someone dying. I just can't handle it right now. I love hearing survivor stories, though. I agree with Susan that it's great when people ask how I'm doing when we're at a social event, but don't dwell on it. A lot of us prefer not to talk about our cancer in front of our children. I loved the meals, because I hate to cook. I love having company at chemo and doctors appointments. It makes time fly! I love that I have three sisters and lots of amazing friends.Finally, I love it that my friends Kelley Belsher and Susan Wornick organized a fashion show in my honor last week. We raised lots of money for the Ellie Fund which has a "care for the caregiver" program. It helps women battling breast cancer with basic needs like meals, house cleaning and transportation to treatment. Everyone at Channel 5 embraced the project and participated. It was a fun evening at the Boston Harbor Hotel, which was filled with amazing people. You could feel the love and good energy in the room. My family and I were so touched by the support for us and for this worthy charity. Thank you! Our mission has always been to take this negative in our lives and turn it into a positive for others.
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