Dear DoubleTake,My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is currently incarcerated until June.Before he went to jail he would get drunk a lot, and when he comes home drunk he treats me very badly. He didn't have a job, so I paid for everything. The money he did get, he would blow at the bar.We would fight all the time. He would accuse me of cheating on him if I didn't come right home from work or if I didn't want to be intimate with him.I'm not saying he's a horrible person because I know I'm not perfect either. I love him and care about him, but I think he loves me much more then I love him, and I don't know if I should get out or stay. Please help me.
BETTY SAYS:This situation doesn't sound very pleasant. Sure, you love this guy, but is it worth putting your dignity (his accusations of cheating), health (his drinking) and well-being (his criminal history) on the line just to be with him?
You have a few months to think deeply about your future. Why not focus your thoughts on ways to get your life back to a happy place -- on your own. Then, you'll be prepared for the conversation where you tell your boyfriend that you just don't feel comfortable staying with him anymore.
EDDIE SAYS:Something doesn't make sense here. You say he loves you more than you love him, but have no evidence that he actually loves you.
A guy who treats you like dirt and who can't take care of his own life should not have a place in yours. That just drags you down, and stops you from finding good things in your life.
Is there a chance some time in jail will straighten him out and he'll become a wonderful man who attends to your needs and takes care of business? Sure. But it's a very slim chance. More likely is that if you stay with him, you will have to deal with the same things as before.
If that's not what you want, there's no reason to wait until he gets out to sort things out. Just tell him he needs to start thinking about arranging a place to go when his time ends.
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